


Terrene Reveries

by rioludoodle



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Character Study, Fluff, Gen, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22058278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rioludoodle/pseuds/rioludoodle
Summary: Excerpts from Lars' life after returning to Earth with the Off-Colors.A collection of interconnected one-shots.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 74





	1. Parallel Thorns [Pearl]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl figures out exactly what bothers her about Lars and the Off-Colors.

Pearl had never much liked the donut kid before his character development out in space. He was irresponsible and self-centered. He cared too much about getting the Cool Kids to like and respect him and did not appreciate the things he already had. People in his life — his parents, Sadie, Steven — were hurt by his behaviors, and yet he would not change his ways. He shirked his duties in favor of anything that interested him more. He was childish. He was a bad influence. 

Her distaste for the boy — Lars, that was his name — evaporated after she heard about the sacrifice that he made for the Off-Colors on Homeworld. Clearly, Pearl had not known him entirely. He was brave. He was compassionate. He was clever enough to think of using himself to hide gems from the shattering robonoids. He was how Steven was able to come home.

Despite Pearl’s appreciation for these heroics, despite her gratitude that Steven was back, she remained uncomfortable with the idea of Lars. It was a different kind of uncomfortable now, hard to describe but tied deeply to a sense of guilt. Lars, nearly an adult by human standards but still just a kid by any measure, had died. He had died violently. It was due entirely to the gem affairs of which Lars wanted no part that he experienced such a tragedy at his age. 

As the most secret-smothered member of the Crystal Gems and the one closest to Rose Quartz, Pearl felt responsible. Lars being more or less alive did not ameliorate her shame. That was the sticky, haunting thing. Lars had been resurrected by Steven’s magic. Steven said that Lars was pink like Lion now — it was how Steven was able to come home at all. Steven said that Lars had called himself a zombie, except he still had a personality and a heartbeat. Somewhere in her analytical mind, Pearl thought that this made Lars more of a corporeal ghost.

According to the reports of Steven and Connie after they visited the pink human, the donut kid had reinvented himself. He had become Captain Lars to a crew of off-color gems and Lars of the Stars, outlaw extraordinaire, to enforcers of the Diamond Authority. The band of rebels were wanted for an impressive assortment of crimes against the Empire. Pearl was astonished. She had long believed Lars to be headed down a questionable path, but space piracy surprised her. 

“He has a crew! He has a nemesis!” exclaimed Connie. “Her name is Emerald, and she works for Yellow Diamond.”

Steven added, “The Off-Colors stole her fastest ship, which Lars figured out she loves too much to destroy! It was awesome!”

“Lars is _cool_ now!”

Pearl chuckled awkwardly and then fell silent for the rest of their retelling of the adventure. Something about the story — maybe the danger of the events — rubbed her the wrong way. She felt uneasy with Steven planning another visit to Lars. If he had to go again, it would be with a gem alongside him — one of the Crystal Gems, but not Pearl. 

Later, after the Diamonds made peace with Earth and cured the world’s corrupted gems, after the Off-Colors settled in to Beach City… Pearl still could not help but feel discomfort about Lars and his new friends.

The war was over. Everyone was safe. It was the happily ever after. 

What was wrong with her?

Being around any of the Off-Colors by herself made her feel something that was difficult to define. If she had a stomach, she would be queasy — but Pearl did not have a stomach. Was it because the Off-Colors were so extremely off-color? She was shocked at herself upon considering that possibility. She of all people should know better than to judge Gems by the Order of the old Diamond Authority. The Off-Colors were wonderful and kind, and they had survived terrible things.

Pearl resolved to get over herself. She started forcing herself to spend more time at the Big Donut, where Lars had started working again in a strange and likely unsustainable coexistence with Bill Dewey. The rest of the Off-Colors seemed to hang out around that part of town whenever Lars was there. She wasn’t sure how they spent the rest of their time, but she knew that it was together. 

Exposure therapy did not help. No matter how she tried to resolve it, there remained a twinge of uneasiness in the back of her mind whenever she was around the Off-Colors. 

One day, almost a year after the concert that marked a brand new start, Peridot asked Pearl to deliver a small holographic projector to Rhodonite, since her errands were going to take her near the neighborhood where the Barriga family lived. Pearl had not been back to that house since accompanying Steven to deliver the news of Lars’ fate on Homeworld. 

“Rhodonite is living with the Barrigas?” said Pearl.

Peridot replied, “Yeah. The Off-Colors set up home base in the pink human’s basement.”

Pearl took care of the week’s grocery shopping and returned a few books to the Buddwick Public Library. Then, she went to the house of Dante and Martha Barriga. 

When she rang the bell, Martha answered the door. “Hello, Pearl. Come on in. Lars is in the kitchen, and the crew is downstairs.” Taking into account how radically the life of her family had changed, this was a remarkably well-adjusted human adult. 

Pearl glanced into the kitchen and saw Lars unrolling a baking sheet. She noticed, as she always did, that his coloring was now the same as Lion’s. Repressing her gut-butterflies of guilt, she addressed him, “Hey, donut kid. Is Rhodonite around?”

He told her, “She’s in the basement. The stairs are straight ahead and to the left.”

Pearl went down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs, there was a large, steel door that had the look of gem craftsmanship. It was very mismatched from the rest of the quaint, suburban home. There was a handprint access panel embedded into the wall. Pearl placed her palm over it, and the door slid open for her. She entered the basement and saw that it had been refurbished using gem technology. The ceiling was much higher than it should be, and the walls much farther apart. Human furnishings were scattered haphazardly around the place. The Off-Colors seemed to be redecorating. 

Padparadscha said, “I’m having a vision. Pearl of the Crystal Gems will arrive!”

“Hi, Pearl!” “How’s it going, Pearl?” said the Rutile twins.

Fluorite gave her a slow, easy wave.

Rhodonite said, “Pearl! It’s been a while. Glad to see you again. Peridot messaged that you have our projector.”

“That I do.” Her gemstone glowed as she removed the device from its storage. 

“Thanks, Pearl,” said Rhodonite, who accepted the item using one of her lower arms. She reached up to the top of the basement entrance and attached the projector to the doorframe. Pearl stepped aside to give her room. The other Off-Colors gathered near and chatted excitedly with one another. 

One of the Rutile twins exclaimed, “Turn it on!”

The projector was activated, and Pearl was startled when it threw into the air an image of — well, not quite herself, but a Gem who looked a lot like her. The unknown pearl in the picture was wearing a uniform with Yellow Diamond’s insignia, and she looked a little bit like… Oh. This was Rhodonite’s component pearl. In this image, there was a fierce gleam in her eyes — she was armed with a destabilizer and looked happily ready to use it. The glyphs beneath her picture noted that she was part of a cross-gem fusion with a ruby. They called her volatile and dangerous. 

Pearl of the Crystal Gems was looking at a wanted poster for the pearl of the Off-Colors.

“Would you look at that,” said Rhodonite. “Peridot really came through!” 

She pressed a button, and the projection changed. It was now the wanted notice for the Rutile twins. The Off-Colors reminisced about their adventurous journey to Earth as they rotated through the series of pictures.

Pearl averted her eyes and contemplated how she could make a departure without being rude. The crew of the Sun Incinerator were having a touching moment of their own, and it reminded Pearl of conversations that she herself had shared with the Crystal Gems at the height of Rose Quartz’s rebellion. Interrupting was the last thing that she wanted to do, but she needed to get to the stairs behind them.

Fluorite spoke in her measured cadence. “Let’s put up… the captain.”

Rhodonite did so, and then she proclaimed, “It’s perfect. Let’s leave it like this.”

“Yes.”

“Perfect.”

“Excellent.”

They fell silent. Pearl looked back in curiosity when she realized that none of the Off-Colors had spoken for several moments.

All eyes were on the projection hanging over the door. It was Lars’ wanted notice courtesy of the Empire. In the picture that they used, he was dressed in the uniform of an Imperial Officer of Yellow Diamond’s court. The image must have been taken during the cosmic jubilee affair, which was a story Pearl had never heard the entirety of. In the image, Lars was smiling calmly, exuding confidence and looking for all the world as if he belonged in that uniform. It became easier to understand how he could pass himself off as a member of the Elite with the Off-Colors as his eclectic retinue. The glyphs beneath the picture called him an unidentified off-color gem.

A sudden chill fell upon her. She tore her gaze away from the projection and scanned the faces of the Off-Color crew. They were utterly adoring, a gaggle of gems utterly dependent on and blindly admiring of their leader. There was a portrait hanging over the door. This… this was familiar. 

Pearl muttered, “Oh, dear.” 

She now could put her finger on why she was so uncomfortable around the Off-Colors and their human captain. The issue was her own history and the pain of its repetition, however sweet the echo. Pearl’s problem with the crew was the way they refracted the essence of Rose Quartz’s followers. Pearl’s problem with Lars was that he shared so many unfortunate similarities with Her — with both versions of Her. 

Pearl hurriedly slipped through the throng of Off-Colors and went back upstairs. She found Lars still in the kitchen, setting a timer on the oven. 

“Lars,” guiltily said Pearl. “You and I need to have a talk. It’s not your fault, but you’ve done a heck of a Rose… well, a Pink… with the Off-Colors.”

“Huh?”

They sat down at the kitchen table.

Pearl said, “I’m going to be honest here. Very honest. I have never liked you, Lars.”

“Wow. That’s an opener for the ages.” Lars was much more confused than offended.

The Crystal Gem said, “Please just listen. I have a lot to say.”

“Okay.”

She laced her fingers together on the table. “At first it was because you were irresponsible and childish, and I thought you were a bad influence in Steven’s life. After what you did on Homeworld, I thought we could have a clean slate between us — I was wrong. I couldn’t let go of my feelings no matter how much I tried. You’ve become a good person, a wonderful human, but still I don’t like you. I’ve recently realized that this is on me, not you. I’m sorry, Lars. I have never judged you fairly, not even before you became… resurrected.”

“I don’t think it’s on you that I made a bad impression. I was kind of a jerk.”

Pearl shook her head. “You were a child. A difficult child — I should have seen you for that. Instead, somewhere deep in my mind, I saw Her. _My_ Diamond.” Pearl was far away. “All of her worst flaws — her recklessness and self-centeredness, and the way she _wanted_ things — I saw them reflected in your worst behavior, and then I couldn’t see anything else.”

“Your Diamond?” questioned Lars. There was something shivering about the way that she said the phrase. Something possessive and deeply personal that made it seem like much more than the simple title of deference that he knew it to be. 

“Did Steven not tell you? I belonged to his mother, Pink Diamond.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s… wow, that’s heavy.” He grimaced. 

Pearl actually laughed. She sounded exhausted and a little maniacal. “Haha, hah! I kept it a secret for thousands of years — how do you think I feel? Stars, this all says a lot more about me than you. I saw parallels between you and the gem I loved the most, and I immediately started to hate you. Oh, what a number Rose did on us all!”

“Sounds like... a complicated relationship.”

“Yes, it was. It still is.” Pearl sighed. “Rose was brilliant. She made me wiser and stronger, and she taught me to do things that I never believed I could. I thought she made me free, but it turns out that the only one who can make me free... is me. I’m working on it, trust me. But I’m still tangled up in Her, and I will be for a long time.”

The oven timer went off.

Lars said, “Sorry. Excuse me. I need to get that.”

“Of course,” said Pearl softly.

He removed two trays of cookies from the oven and set them on the counter to cool off. Lars went back to close the oven door, and then he returned to his earlier seat. 

Pearl remarked, “You know, you get your coloring from the original version of Her. Pink Diamond.” She chuckled sadly. “Heh. I’ve been comparing your appearance to Lion in my head, but it’s really Pink that you both look like.”

Lars blinked a few times and developed a flustered frown. “...This got awkward.”

“Yes. Which is part of my point,” said Pearl, getting back on track. “I make things awkward. I get irrational when I’m reminded of Her — Pink or Rose, it doesn’t matter. My baggage from the past spills over into the present, and I’m only now figuring out how to manage that. My relationship with Rose was _complicated_. A big part of the mess comes from how I was completely dependent on Her for my own sense of self. Once she was gone, I was lost. I don’t want this hardship for anybody else.”

He nodded sympathetically. “I wouldn’t either. You’re dealing with some tough stuff.”

“That’s why you need to set some boundaries with the Off-Colors.”

“Huh?”

Pearl elaborated. “Gem society encourages an unhealthy dependence on leaders for purpose and meaning. The Off-Colors aren’t immune to this. Even the rebellion wasn’t immune to this, and our whole _thing_ was being different from Homeworld. Your crew has formed a bond with you that’s similar to what the Crystal Gems had with Rose Quartz. We fell apart once she left us. Don’t let that happen to the Off-Colors.”

“I’m not going to abandon them!”

“I don’t believe you ever would. You’re not _that_ much like Her — you’re too loyal, kid. But eventually, you’re going to want some space of your own, and your crew won’t be ready for that. They’ll want to stay close to you — _very_ close — and that will become suffocating at some point. Maybe you’ll move in with Sadie, and then they won’t be able to live in your basement anymore. Things change. Time happens — and you certainly have a lot of time ahead of you.”

Lars fell quiet and grew contemplative.

A few minutes later, he and Pearl brought the freshly baked cookies down to the basement for the Off-Colors. The crew of gems happily and appreciatively partook.

Lars stared up questioningly at the projection that hung over the door. He said to Pearl, “Yeah, if I didn’t get what you were saying before, I definitely do now. This shit has to go.”

To the Off-Colors, he said, “Hey guys, we need to have a chat about moving out. I’ve heard that Steven is setting up a school...” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't be the only one who enjoys the parallels between the Off-Colors and the Crystal Gems, right?
> 
> More chapters forthcoming.


	2. Startup [Bill Dewey, Greg Universe]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars is down on his luck when it comes to finding the capital to start a bakery.

“Enjoy your Classic Deweys! Have a wonderful day!” said Bill Dewey, waving brightly from behind the counter of the Big Donut. 

An unremarkable townie left the store a happy customer with a box of traditionally glazed diabetes. 

Dewey’s consistently chipper customer service was undoubtedly a draw for the residents of Beach City. To his one and only coworker, however, it usually began to grate on the nerves after a long shift. Said coworker, who was restocking the freezer shelves, rolled his eyes. It took another five minutes or so to finish his task, and in that time there arrived no other customers. 

Lars returned to the front counter and settled in for a boring day at the convenience store. He side-eyed the former mayor when he noticed the man watching him with a thoughtful frown on his face. 

“Dude,” said Lars irritably and presumptively. “I mopped the floor already. Get off my back.”

Bill Dewey said, “What? Oh, did I forget to say something earlier? You did a fantastic job with the mopping! Thank you for taking care of it. The people of this great city deserve nothing but the best from us!”

“It’s a small town, and that’s being generous,” groused the young man. He rolled his eyes again. “What are you looking at me for if it’s not about cleaning?”

“Well… my son, Buck, has asked me not to meddle in the personal lives of his friends, but… you seem to be in a bad mood, donut buddy. What’s going on?”

“Please don’t call me that, ever, Mr. Dewey,” flatly replied Lars. “And I am _not_ in a bad mood.”

The older man used a pair of tongs to grab a donut out of the display case. He set the donut on a napkin and slid it over to Lars in a gesture of offering. He said, “It usually takes a few more hours before you start rolling your eyes at me. I think it’s safe to say that you’re in a bad mood. What’s on your mind, sport?”

Lars glanced at the donut — chocolate glazed with sprinkles — and then looked pointedly back at Dewey. It took a few moments, but the former mayor came to recognize his error. 

“Oh,” said Dewey apologetically as he recalled his coworker’s chronic lack of appetite. “Right. My mistake.” He slid the donut into the trash bin. “Just know that I’m an open ear.”

An awkward silence took over. No customers entered the store to restore normalcy. This was the afternoon lull. 

If asked, Lars would say it was the boredom that compelled him. He admitted to Bill Dewey, “I’m stressed about starting my bakery.”

Dewey adopted a listening pose.

Lars rambled. “This morning I checked the prices for real estate downtown, and I realized that they’ve gone way up now that the alien incursions have stopped. The down payment on a rental with a good location is three or four times more than it used to be. I thought I was on track with my savings, but it turns out that I’m actually years behind. The bakery is just… on hold… until I can get the cash somehow. I’m... really disappointed and kinda worried. I don’t want to be working at the Big Donut forever! This place sucks. Uh, no offense.”

“None taken. Not everyone has the personality for retail,” said Dewey with a hint of smug pride. He then grew unusually serious. “But look, Lars… you’re not a dumb kid. I think you already know what you can do in this situation.”

“Wait for something gem-related to destroy the boardwalk and buy a property for cheap?”

The other employee was taken aback. “Er… patience is a virtue, but no. I meant asking for help.” 

“Oh.”

“When my son Buck got into that band, I supported it. When that other kid — the one whose younger brother is a menace — needed help, good old Yellowtail came through for him as a stepdad. You know that you have people in your life who want nothing but the best for you, right? Some parents are wishy-washy, but others are the best cheerleaders in the world. Yours? They’re keepers. The way they got on my case after how I handled the whole alien abduction thing, _wow._ I still can’t look at tomatoes the same way! If you just ask them, I bet they’ll help you figure something out, maybe take out a loan for you.”

Lars shook his head. “I can’t do that. They’d say yes.” 

“And that’s… a problem?”

“Yeah, it’s a problem. I wouldn’t deserve it. I’ve been a lot of trouble for my folks in the past, and they’ve been so cool about everything despite that. They don’t make a big deal about my pink and undead thing. They’re okay with parking a spaceship in the backyard. They even let my crew live in the basement! I never realized it until I got back, but my parents are pretty great. They deserve better from me. I don’t want to be a burden on them anymore.”

Dewey responded, “Love isn’t about deserving, kiddo.”

“That’s Steven Universe levels of sappy.” Lars paused as reality started to catch up to him. He vehemently declared, “You better not tell my parents I said any of this.”

The ex-mayor shrugged. “My lips are zipped. Buck is going to be upset if he hears that I’m talking to his friends again anyway.”

Growing horrified by the fact that he was having a heart to heart with Bill Dewey of all people, Lars let his head fall into his hands. “Everything about working here is weird as hell, now. I need to get out of this place.”

“What you need,” mused Dewey, “is an angel.”

Lars gave him a look of total bewilderment. “A what now?”

“An angel investor, donut buddy. To help you start your business! I actually know just the guy. He did a great job with my van a while back.”

* * *

Greg Universe exclaimed, “I love it!”

Lars said, “I’m not done with the pitch yet.”

“You’re calling it Spacetries! And you’re Steven’s friend. That’s good enough for me, pal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcanon that Lars spent a while employed at the Big Donut again after getting back from space and before starting his bakery business. He and Bill Dewey absolutely had to have a Squidward and Spongebob dynamic going for them as coworkers.


	3. A David Bowie Kind of Life [Sadie Miller, Amethyst]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a typical morning as Lars opens up the bakery.

Lars Barriga snapped a picture of the freshly-baked strawberry strudel in the pan and sent it to Sadie, who was presently touring on the West Coast with her band. Their concerts at venues in the Queen City Metropolitan Area were regularly almost selling out! He pocketed his phone, and then he transferred the strudel to an elevated stand inside the display case beside the front counter. It was still toasty. Steam wafted off of the top. Lars took a moment to simply breathe, appreciating the sweet, fruity aroma of the pastry. 

Then he noticed the face pressed against the other side of the glass, staring right at him.

Startled into leaping backwards, he exclaimed, “Amethyst?!  _ Stars. _ Spacetries isn’t open yet, how did you get insiiii—” He spotted the window that he had cracked open earlier to help circulate fresh air. “—Never mind.” He recovered his composure and quirked an eyebrow at her. “You’re up really early today.” 

“I never went to sleep yesterday,” blithely proclaimed the short, violet quartz. She struck a pose as if she had accomplished something unusually impressive rather than something that was entirely normal for gemkind. 

“Okay… cool.”

Amethyst was mildly disappointed. “Greg was more impressed,” she complained. Abruptly, she switched gears but remained on essentially the same track, proudly declaring, “I just finished a twenty-seven hour marathon of that movie franchise with the sequel coming soon.”

Lars made an effort to sound more lively. “Ah! I remember watching those as they came out. Good for you, catching up in time for the next film.”

“Peridot’s recruiting people for a watch party on premiere night. She wants to book out a whole theater! Wanna join?”

Lars said, “I’ll have to talk to Sadie and the band first. If they don’t want to wait to see it together after their summer tour, then I’d be happy to hang with you guys at the premiere.”

“Cool. Lemme know when you know.” 

“Will do,” replied the young man. “So, are you just here to chat, or are you here for collection day like a little, bitty, grape-looking bridge troll?”

Amethyst barked a brief, appreciative laugh for the creativity of Lars’ remark. “Nice one!” She then proceeded to rub her hands together with a gluttonous gleam in her eye, saying, “But totes, my dude. Mama-thyst is here for the goods.”

“All the stale stuff is boxed up in the back. I’ll go grab it for you.”

He saw Amethyst off with a load of baked goods too old to sell that she and anyone she decided to share with in Little Homeworld would be sure to enjoy. He took it as a wonderful compliment that she and others liked even his stale products, and it was good business to boot. Amethyst herself had very undiscerning taste buds, but much pickier gems had been known to become customers of Spacetries after trying a free sample or two from her. 

After her departure, Lars swept up the store in preparation for business hours. It was sunrise when he flipped the sign on the front door to say ‘open’ instead of ‘closed’. He propped the door open to welcome in the sea breeze. It was a beautiful morning. The sky was pink and gold. 

There was a pinging sound. Lars checked his phone. 

Sadie had replied with a bleary-eyed selfie — it was very early for her, but the band had to get on the road to make it to their next venue. Her right hand made half a heart shape at the camera. A moment later, she added a text: 

_ I thought of more lyrics for your song, whose working title is still UNTITLED SONG FOR LARS. Seriously, give me a name if you think of one

_ Home is where the heart is

_ And even from the farthest 

_ Place in the galaxies 

_ It goes beat, beat, beat

He told her that he liked the lyrics and that he was sure she would think of the right title. Sadie always found the perfect words eventually. She was a rock star that way. 

Lars mused aloud, “It’s turning into a David Bowie kind of song.” He wrote Sadie the observation. 

Sadie texted back:

_ It’s a David Bowie kind of life

A shadow passed over the walls, and Lars looked up from his phone to spot Lapis Lazuli at a low altitude, lazily winging it in the general direction of the Beach House. They met one another’s eyes. A blue hand gave a friendly wave of acknowledgement, and a pink hand returned it. With their brief exchange finished, she continued flying onward. Somewhere not far away, the ocean lapped at the shore, and seagulls pecked at crabs in the sand.

This was Beach City. This was the happily ever after. Sadie had it right — a David Bowie kind of life, indeed.

* * *

UNTITLED SONG FOR LARS by Sadie Miller

There’s an astronaut 

On the ground today.

Came from a world apart

Just to say

Home is where the heart is,

And even from the farthest

Place in the galaxies

It goes beat, beat, beat.

…


	4. Gem History 101 [Peridot]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars is unexpectedly helpful to Peridot.

Gem History 101 was the brainchild of Connie Maheswaran. It was Little Homeschool inverted — a program for human residents of Beach City who were interested in gem stuff to learn more about their extraterrestrial neighbors. It took the form of a weekly night class at the Buddwick Public Library, taught by rotations of the Crystal Gems interspersed with the occasional guest speaker. Curious civilians of Beach City sat in at irregular intervals. Only a handful of star students attended every class, and they could be counted on a single hand. Doug Maheswaran, Priyanka Maheswaran, Nanefua Pizza, Greg Universe, and Ronaldo Fryman were their names. Connie also attended every night, but she was there in the capacity of a co-teacher. 

Lars had been invited — mostly by Connie and Ronaldo — multiple times, but he always declined. Although he managed to finish high school with acceptable grades after returning to Earth, it was irrefutable that he and formal education had a poor track record together. A community college-style night class at the library… it just was not for him. He had a bakery business to run anyway.

He and Gem History 101 existed in separate spheres of life. This made it very difficult to figure out why Peridot had come to him of all people for teaching advice. He didn’t even know her very well. Nonetheless, here they were.

It was closing time at Spacetries. The shop was empty but for the two of them. 

“The transition to Era 2 is a very complicated time in history. I didn’t even live through it like some other gems. It’s my very first class of humans, but I just don’t know what to do!” said Peridot. “I’m a  _ genius  _ — I can’t disappoint everyone. Help me, Off-Color Lars.”

He recognized very familiar fears and desperations in Peridot right then. Similar feelings of inadequacy had made his own life fairly miserable for a while. 

“I get how you feel, I really do,” replied Lars. “I want to help. I just don’t understand why you’re coming to me with this. I’m not part of the night class.”

The short-statured, green gem explained, “It is my understanding that you were a terrible student in school — the worst of all Steven’s human friends. If I can design a lesson plan that is sufficient for even you, then surely it will meet the needs of the class.”

“Ouch? I mean… that’s true, but it still hurts. And I guess I can see why you’d think that would help.”

“Will you assist me?”

Lars told her, “Not with the details like you seem to be hoping. Like you said, I wasn’t a great student. I can only give you a piece of advice: don’t try to be what other people expect from you. Play to your strengths instead.”

She frowned. “I don’t see how that fixes my problem.”

“Hm… Let me put it this way. My favorite teachers in high school were the ones who taught subjects that they really loved. It didn’t matter if I didn’t like the subject, the class was decent because the teacher had a lot of passion for the lessons.”

Something seemed to click for Peridot. “I know what I can do! Yes! Thank you and goodbye!”

In the next moment, she was flying out the door. 

He said to thin air, “You’re welcome? I hope it works out.”

Lars heard from Ronaldo later that Peridot had surprised the night class with a lesson in the history of gem technology. It had to be cut short because of time, but Connie invited her to return.

Peridot came into Spacetries the next morning bearing an invitation to the movie premiere party that she was arranging. 

“Oh man, Amethyst asked me a few days ago to come to this, but I forgot to get back to her,” said Lars, embarrassed. “The answer is yes. I’ll go to the movie with you guys. Thanks, Peridot.”

She shook her head. “I should thank you! It’s because of your advice that my natural brilliance was able to shine through in Gem History 101.”

“I heard from Ronaldo that you led a great lesson.”

The praise was perhaps all too well received. “Really? Please tell the fry boy to say his compliments to my face next time.”

“Sure, Peridot. I’ll pass the word on.”


	5. On the Shoulders of Giants [Ronaldo, Connie]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars accompanies his friends on an educational field trip to the gem moon base.

So apparently, Sour Cream’s younger brother Onion had a gang of friends from out of town who hung out in Beach City during the summer. Lars learned of their existence when they stole a chocolate cake out of the Spacetries display case. He did not have definitive proof that they were the ones behind it, but he was still sure that the theft was the responsibility of the burglar-quiet brats. They had been the only non-employees in the store before the cake went missing, and the children themselves had vanished alongside the dessert. Convinced that he knew the culprits but stumped by what to do about it, he took a photo of the empty cake stand for documentation and went on with his day. 

At noon, the Rutile twins came in and took over the front counter.

“Call me if you need anything,” he said as he departed the shop.

The twins replied, “Of course!” “We will!”

Lars left Spacetries and drove to the Lighthouse. He found Ronaldo Fryman there, standing on the grass and waiting for him. Pearl of the Crystal Gems was also present, but she was pacing back and forth while engrossed in a phone conversation. Lars parked his car and walked over to his childhood friend. 

Ronaldo exclaimed, “We’re going to the mooooon!” 

“You’re really excited about this,” noted Lars. 

“Yeah, I’m excited, dude! You should be excited too,” said Ronaldo. “I know you had your epic space adventure, but come on, we’re going to the moon! How many people can say they’ve been to the moon?”

The unbridled enthusiasm was infectious. “You make a good point. It’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah! You know what makes it even cooler? We get to take a _warp pad_ to the moooo—”

Pearl took a moment’s break from her phone call to hush Ronaldo. “Quiet, please! I’m talking with Steven.”

The bespectacled aficionado of all things paranormal slapped a hand over his own mouth to cut himself off. He briefly lifted his fingers to whisper to Lars, “We can go to Little Homeworld as soon as Pearl’s done on the phone.”

Respectfully lowering his volume, Lars asked, “Do you know if we need to pick up Connie’s parents?”

“Nah, Steven’s dad is taking care of them.”

He sighed. “That’s a relief. Five people in my car makes the backseat pretty cramped.”

Pearl ended the call and put away her phone. She turned to face her two human companions and said, “Heads up, Lars. Steven and Connie are on their way.”

The pastry shop owner said, “Huh?”

Her meaning registered with him a moment later, and he managed to brace himself just in time for two teenagers to exit the portal to the pink dimension in his hair. Steven Universe and company appearing out of his hair was fine if he could anticipate it, but an unexpected arrival could easily send him toppling. This time, with Pearl’s warning, he was able to hold himself still and thus upright.

Ronaldo exclaimed, “It’s Connie and Steven! Lars, they just came out of your hair!”

“You’ve seen it happen a dozen times before,” deadpanned Lars. 

“But it never stops being cool!”

Connie greeted them, “Hi, Ronaldo. Hi, Lars. Hi, Pearl.”

Steven said, “Hey, guys. How’s it going?”

Ronaldo responded excitably, “I’m hyped to go to the moon!”

“Well, I’m excited to show you guys the base! The observation orb is really interesting. We’re just running a little bit behind schedule with the installation.”

Pearl interjected, “We’ll only be more behind if you and I don’t get going soon.”

Steven nodded. “Right. Hey Lars, Pearl and I need to go back through your head.”

“Jump in, I guess.” He shrugged.

Steven took Pearl’s hand in his, and the pair of them made a running dive into Lars’ hair. He was accustomed to such antics by now, but it still took a conscious effort to avoid flinching when they charged at him. With a flash of pink light, they were gone without a trace.

Ronaldo asked Connie, “How far behind schedule are we?”

“Not too much, hopefully,” answered the girl. “It’s a bit of a story.” She elaborated. “Lapis and Peridot brought the new warp up to the lunar surface in one piece, but they accidently knocked it into the access panel. The external mechanism got busted. Garnet alerted us, so Steven and I super-warped to Moon Base with Lion to bring the ground-to-space team inside. The problem came when we remembered that opening the door would let all the air out. Obviously, that would’ve been bad for us, and Steven’s bubble is only a temporary solution for breathing. It wouldn’t normally be a big deal, except the warp pad is a tight fit through the door. There’s some risk that it could get stuck.”

Making the connection, Ronaldo deduced the plan. “Oh! So Steven’s taking Pearl to the moon so that she can open the door! Because Pearl doesn’t need to breathe.”

“That’s right.” After directing a sly look at Lars, Connie appended, “Bingo bongo.”

Ronaldo barked a laugh, and Connie giggled. 

The teasing of his friends sent an embarrassed flush to Lars’ face, turning it even pinker. The Lars of a few years ago would have been upset, but Lars of now had been through enough that he knew not to sweat the small stuff, especially when it was well-meant. 

Ronaldo slapped a friendly hand on Lars’ back and said, “You have the best catchphrase, buddy.”

“I guess it is a catchphrase,” he admitted with mild chagrin.

Connie kindly warned him, “Steven’s coming back by himself before Pearl opens the door, so you should probably be prepared for him to jump out of your head again.”

“Thanks,” he acknowledged.

Looking puzzled, Ronaldo raised a hand and said, “Hold up a sec. I’m confused. Why is Steven coming back through Lars’ head and not on Lion?”

A fond expression took over Connie’s face at the thought of the large cat of whom she was a caretaker. “Super-warps make Lion super-tired. He’s taking a well-deserved nap. The Moon Base is a good spot for that kind of thing. It’s a very peaceful place — you’ll see it for yourselves soon.”

Ronaldo was very concerned. “Is Lion going to be okay? Doesn’t he need to breathe?”

Growing contemplative, Connie replied, “The first answer is yes. Yes, Lion is going to be fine. But the second answer… you know, that’s a really interesting question you’ve thought up.” 

“What’s the answer to the second question?” said Ronaldo pleadingly. “I gotta know!”

She mused aloud, “Based on what we know about pink resurrection and how it slows down metabolic functions, we might assume that being in vacuum, to Lion, is like holding a breath. He should be fine for several hours. But if we take into account increased resilience, then the amount of time that Lion can go without breathing could be extrapolated to several days. This is assuming that oxygen is something that Lion still needs, which may not be true at all.”

Ronaldo giddily exclaimed, “Wow, that’s so weird!”

Connie shrugged. “It’s all just theory. But theoretically, it also applies to Lars.”

Two pairs of eyes turned to the pink human. 

Suddenly hyperconscious of himself, Lars groused, “I’m not about to test that out for you.”

“Wouldn’t dream of asking, buddy,” responded Ronaldo good-naturedly, although he did look mildly disappointed.

Steven suddenly popped out of Lars’ hair once again. The half-gem used his floating ability to land gently on the ground. Lars teetered, but he managed to get his footing back under him in time to save himself a humiliating face-plant.

Lars greeted him. “Hi, Steven.”

“Hey,” said Steven. “Sorry for the wait. Pearl’s taking care of things on the moon, so we can head down to Little Homeworld now.”

Connie snapped out of her ponderings at the sound of her best friend’s voice. She exclaimed, “Oh, great! I can’t wait to show my parents Moon Base.”

They collectively piled into Lars’ car. The trip to Little Homeworld was a pleasant one. In the backseat, Steven and Connie filled the span of the drive with dazzling conversation about Little Homeschool and Gem History 101. Both programs were making excellent headway with their participants, and their respective creators found an endless well of positive things to say. In the front seats, Ronaldo regaled Lars with an oral history of gem moon bases and their associated technologies as derived from lessons in the aforementioned night class. Lars interjected the occasional punchy comment while he drove. 

Steven’s dad and Connie’s parents had beaten the young adults to Little Homeworld. Greg’s van was parked beside the settlement’s warp pad. The trio of middle-aged townies were making small talk among themselves. Lars pulled up next to the Universe van and parked there. Connie and Steven were the first ones out of the car — they raced to tackle their respective parents with hugs. 

The reunions were interrupted when the warp pad activated. In a beam of light, Peridot, Pearl, and Lapis arrived.

Pearl announced, “Everybody step aboard, we’re ready to give you a tour of Moon Base!”

Lapis corrected her. “ _Pearl_ is ready to give you a tour of the moon base. Peridot and I have other plans. See you all later!”

The close-knit pair flew away into the air, waving goodbye. 

“What Lapis said,” amended Pearl. “Humans, step aboard!”

Conveniently, the warp pad was large enough to take the entire group in a single trip. In another beam of light, they appeared on the ground floor of an ancient superstructure.

“Welcome to Moon Base,” said Pearl. She spoke quietly, but her voice was loud in the vast silence of the location. “These murals on the wall show the Great Diamond Authority.” She became slightly flustered. “Um… you already know that history. Let’s go upstairs! The view is much more impressive there.”

She took quick steps over to the staircase and began climbing. Pearl stopped halfway up when she realized that the others had not followed.

The humans tried to walk with Pearl, but they immediately became preoccupied by the effects of lunar gravity. Steven bounced off the walls with Greg, maneuvering to help his father avoid crashing into things or people. The Maheswarans were taking small, slow steps — Connie carefully guided her parents through the learning process. 

“Steven, look!” exclaimed Greg as he jumped high into the air. “I’m floaty like that thing you do sometimes.”

“You sure are, Dad.”

Dr. Priyanka Maheswaran said to her daughter, “This is amazing, Connie. I think I’m starting to get the hang of it.”

Her husband said, “Your mother’s right. This is amazing.”

“You’re doing great, Mom. You too, Dad.”

“Being on the moon is so cool!” Ronaldo hopped up and down in place, propelling himself higher and more confidently with every leap. He then overestimated himself and tried to do a series of backflips. There was too much spin, and he got dizzy by the time he reached the apex of his jump. Thoroughly disoriented from his tumbling, Ronaldo was unable to compensate for his landing. He realized far too late that his face was on track to become intimately familiar with the floor. However, a firm tug at the back of his collar jerked his torso to a stop, and it was only his knees that touched the ground. Then, another hand took Ronaldo’s own and pulled him up to his feet.

It was Lars standing beside Ronaldo, helping him. 

Lars said, “Careful, Ronnie. I know you have a hard head, but you should watch your face. You only have the one pair of glasses on you.”

“Good advice,” said Ronaldo with mild chagrin. “Thanks for the save, buddy.”

Pearl lightly coughed for attention. The others remembered that there was a second floor to see, and they carefully followed her up the stairs in single file. 

Like on any field trip, there was excited conversation happening among the students. However, they all fell quiet as they exited into the domed observatory. It was dark, and their footsteps echoed. The walls of the room were cloudy and dim. Something about the architecture of the room gave it a heavy, solemn atmosphere. Even breathing seemed loud.

Pearl reached out to the observation orb, and the large sphere came aglow at her touch. She said, “Don’t panic. I’m about to show you what’s outside. You’re still safe indoors, and it’s only going to be a projection.”

The walls of the dome lit up, and then they vanished. For all appearances, it was as if the group had become exposed to the expanse of lunar plains and the raw, pitch-black vacuum around the base. Overhead, like a lush and brilliant moon, the Earth hung at half-phase. 

The townies gasped. Even Connie and Steven — who had visited alien worlds before — seemed happily astounded, although some part of this may have been their basking in the glow of their parents’ wonder. Ronaldo was by far the most enthused. He was starry-eyed as he spun slowly around and around, taking in everything. Today was a dream come true for him. 

By contrast, Lars was less than astonished. He had become largely inured to space during his journey from Homeworld back to Beach City. However, he could still appreciate the view. He had seen planets cracked down the middle, gas giants with rings for days, and nebulae of ten thousand colors, but the Earth — whole and round and home — remained a nicer sight than any other.

It was peak daylight for the United States. That part of the Earth hanging overhead was radiant. Lars managed to identify the distinct coastline of El Dorado. He knew that Sadie Killer and the Suspects were somewhere in the northern part of that state by now. He remembered that there was a dark bandana — a piece of the band’s merchandise — balled up in the pocket of his jacket. He took it out and laid it over his left hand so that the logo was flat and clearly recognizable. In a way, he had brought his absent friends with him to the moon. He stretched out his arm, reaching towards the blue Earth with the bandana-covered hand. Using his other hand, he retrieved his phone and snapped a picture of Sadie’s band logo next to the free-floating planet for posterity. The Cool Kids would get a kick out of it. Sadie would think it was sweet.

Pearl lectured about the variety of gem colony installations that had been constructed on Earth thousands of years ago. Her voice was even and soothing. Lars half-listened to what she had to say, which was more attention than Steven and Greg were giving her. Father and son of the Universe family continued bouncing playfully in the lunar gravity. The Maheswarans were enveloped in peace and quiet. Connie’s parents put their arms around their daughter, and the three looked out at Earth hovering over the stark, lunar surface together.

Ronaldo was distracted. Gazing upon the Maheswaran family rather than at outer space, he wore a wistful expression. He quietly said to Lars, “Man, look at them. I wish my dad and brother were into this stuff.”

“You do?”

Uncharacteristically subdued, Ronaldo sighed. “Yeah. They don’t understand my interests. They try, but they’re just not invested in the weird stuff that I think is great. I look at the parents who show up to Gem History 101, and I feel jealous of my friends. It’s silly of me, but I can’t help it.”

“I thought you liked going it alone.”

“I do. But sometimes I think it would be awesome to have Dad and Peedee come along on an adventure like this.”

Lars thought of his own parents, who were loving and supportive but often bewildered. They visited Spacetries sometimes, and he still went home to them on days when he had no plans after closing the shop. Their relationship had gotten much better since Lars’ return from Homeworld, but the things that they bonded over were… human. Their closest conversations simply did not encompass _gem stuff_ , especially not since the crew of the Sun Incinerator moved out. The Barriga family talked about work and town gossip and Sadie’s band over dinners at which Lars sipped from a glass of water while his parents ate. They talked about normal things, for whatever normal was worth in Beach City. He couldn’t imagine asking them to visit the moon.

Ronaldo said of his own family, “My life and their lives are different, and that’s okay. What we have is great. I just wish I could share more with them, you know what I mean?”

Lars softly replied, “I think I do.” He paused for a moment and watched the others - Steven with his dad, and Connie with both of her parents. Glancing back to Ronaldo, Lars said, "Hey, Ronnie?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

"I know I don't say it enough, but I'm glad that we're friends again."


	6. Zircon I [Blue & Yellow Zircon]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars' day off takes a turn for the strange when Steven's defense attorney and prosecutor show up in town.

The cardboard boxes were not heavy, but they had bulk. One was stacked to the brim with video game cartridges. The other contained a console, controllers, and a small number of gaming accessories — it was simply hard to identify these contents beneath the mess of wires and cables that stuck out of the top. Lars and Ronaldo were carrying these boxes through the streets of Little Homeworld on a sunny morning.

Lars said to his oldest friend, “Thanks for picking up all this stuff, man. They really don’t like me in Totally Games.”

“Can’t really blame ‘em,” dryly replied Ronaldo. “But it’s no prob, pal. That was a crazy sale going on — can you believe all this was ninety-seven percent off?”

He responded, “Given that the new system is coming out next week, yeah. Everybody wants it, and none of these old things are going to be compatible.”

“Planned obsolescence. What a beauty,” pacifically remarked Ronaldo. “I get a lot of my cutting-edge gear the same way, but through army surplus.”

“Is it really ‘cutting-edge’ if it’s cheap and out of date?”

They turned a corner and very literally ran into Fluorite. The young men started to fall backwards, but the large permafusion caught them with two of her arms and caught their boxes with the remaining. “Pardon me,” she said with leisurely zen as she helped the humans to their feet.

“Sorry, Fluorite,” said Lars with chagrin. “We should’ve been looking out.”

Ronaldo added, “It was just hard to see over those boxes.”

The rest of the Off-Colors stepped around Fluorite and greeted the two visitors. 

Noticing the burden that had been transferred from the humans to Fluorite, Rhodonite said, “Oh, are those the games that you mentioned? I can take those.” The two boxes were handed off from Fluorite to Rhodonite, and then they vanished into the storage space of Rhodonite’s pearl gemstone. 

Padparadscha exclaimed, “How marvelous! Captain Lars and a human friend will appear just in time to accompany us to the warp.”

“The warp?” Ronaldo eagerly inquired, “Are you going somewhere? Can I come with you?”

The Rutile twins answered. “Yeah, we’re going to the warp pad.” “To the galaxy warp, yeah.”

Rhodonite said, “I guess you guys aren’t on the Little Homeworld announcements listserv.” She held up her phone. “Freckle Lapis says there’s some juicy drama going down at the warp after a couple of new gems arrived. Apparently they have some kind of problem with Steven, and Bismuth is getting up in their faces for it.”

Ronaldo exclaimed, “We gotta check this out!”

* * *

When the group arrived at the warp, there was already a loose throng of Little Homeworlders gathered in the main square. Both lapis lazulis were hovering overhead, enjoying an aerial view of proceedings. Their vantage was hardly necessary. Even from the back of the crowd, the situation at the warp was easily witnessed. The warp may as well have been a stage. Bismuth, elevated by a combination of her natural stature and the height of the warp pad beneath her feet, stood head and shoulders above the earthbound onlookers. Caught firmly in her iron grasp were two gems, one blue and the other chartreuse.

Looking every inch the ancient warrior, Bismuth threateningly declared, “Steven ain’t in town, but if you got a problem with him then you got a problem with me.”

The blue gem tremulously exclaimed, “You don’t understand!”

Far more indignant, the yellow-green gem said, “Unhand us at once, you diamagnetic clod! We demand to speak with your superior.”

Their voices were familiar. Lars gaped incredulously at the scene. “I can’t believe this. It’s Steven’s crazy attorney and that dink of a prosecutor from Homeworld.”

His voice carried farther than intended. The pair of visiting zircons turned their heads and spotted him among the crowd of onlookers. Their faces were blank for several moments, but recognition eventually struck. 

Astonished, Yellow Zircon said, “You. You’re that human from the Rose Quartz trial.”

A puzzled Blue Zircon said, “Something’s different. Were you always pink?” She summoned a holographic screen from her monocle. It showed a still image from the trial. In the picture, Lars’ head was bubbled but remained distinctly different in color. “No, definitely not. You had sienna hues back then.”

Feeling defensive, Lars replied, “Stuff happened. It’s a long story that I don’t really feel like getting into.”

Bismuth, who had not ceased menacing the two zircons, asked, “Off-Colors, you know these clowns?”

The twins said, “Nope.” “Nuh-uh.”

Rhodonite shrugged. “Never seen ‘em before in my life.”

Fluorite slowly shook her head. “No.”

Padparadscha said to Lars, “Captain, you seem to recognize these gems.”

All eyes were on Lars. He said, “Yeah, I guess I know them. We met after I got abducted to Homeworld but before I knew the Off-Colors. They were at that whole courtroom fiasco where everybody thought Steven was his mom, who was in trouble for killing… his mom? Yeesh, that kid has had a weird life. Anyway, the blue zircon was Steven’s defense attorney — she was pretty cool toward the end.” He frowned as he went on to say, “The yellow zircon was the prosecutor — she stuck my head in a bubble.”

Bismuth raised a questioning eyebrow. Cutting to the heart of present issues, she asked, “Are either one of these gems a poof-on-sight kind of problem? ‘Cause they’ve been talking slag like it.”

The two visitors squirmed uneasily in the sturdy grip of the blacksmith.

As Lars made his way through the crowd to approach the warp, he answered, “No, I doubt it.”

“Alright.” Bismuth set the zircons back down on the ground (none too gently) but did not back off. Narrowing her eyes at them, she muttered, “I’m watching you.”

Both zircons stepped cautiously away from her. They almost bumped into Lars.

He awkwardly offered a handshake. “Nice to meet you in a situation that isn’t so heavy, I guess.”

Blue Zircon respectfully returned his gesture. Yellow Zircon, looking faintly disgusted, also shook his hand but kept the physical interaction as short as possible.

“Is it normal for humans to change color like this?” questioned Yellow Zircon with distaste.

Frowning at her, Lars irritably answered, “No. Again, it’s a long story, and I don’t really want to tell it to you.”

Blue Zircon recognized the blunder in potentially alienating their only advocate in sight. She hastily interjected, “It may be overstepping our bounds to pursue this line of inquiry, Yellow.”

She gave a burdensome sigh. “Fine.”

Lars asked, “So… what happened to you guys after that sham trial?”

Taking umbrage, Yellow Zircon haughtily claimed, “The Great Diamond Authority does not conduct ‘sham’ trials.”

Crossing his arms and looking unconvinced, Lars said, “I don’t know what else to call it when _she_ gets poofed for making a good point—” He pointed at Blue Zircon and imitated a downward finger stab à la Yellow Diamond. “—and _you_ get the same, like... just because. Remember that part? Bzzzt!” He splayed his fingers in mimicry of electrical shock.

Finding herself unexpectedly lacking in the cutting retort department, Yellow Zircon settled for diminishing his standing. She coolly scoffed, “Perhaps it’s too much to expect an organic to understand the virtue and elegance of Homeworld’s legal traditions. I am among the most highly valued zircons in the empire. I have served our justice system for eons, and my prosecutorial skills are second to none. In that trial, _I_ was an expert counsel. _You_ were evidence.”

Bismuth suddenly interrupted. “Okay, break it up for a hot second. Let’s take this business to my place.” To the body of onlookers, she declared, “All of you vultures, it’s high time to get on with your personal lives. Clear out! Off-Colors, make sure that the nosy human doesn’t get himself into trouble.”

Self-aware enough to recognize that she meant him, Ronaldo exclaimed, “Hey!”

The Off-Colors bundled him into their group and started moving along. One of the Rutile twins said, “You can help us set up those games, human Ronaldo.”

Lars made to follow his friends through the dispersing crowd, but Bismuth caught him by the arm. 

After she stopped him, the forgemaster said, “Nuh-uh. Kid, you’re the only person in town who knows these zircons. You’re sticking around.” 

He looked at the zircons. Blue gave him a tentative smile, but Yellow, ever contrary, sneered at him. She was clearly no more enthused than Lars himself by the prospect of spending any more time in the same vicinity. Lars sighed. “Aw, man.”

Thus it came to be that Lars and the pair of zircons were corralled into the Little Homeworld forge by its operator, Bismuth. There, they were afforded the privacy of walls — the exposure of the entryway and windows only undercut the effect a little bit.

Lapis of the Crystal Gems poked her head in through the entrance. “Hey, is this something I should be here for?”

Bismuth asked, “Do you want to be here?”

“No, not really. I just counted two zircons against one of you. These guys look pretty wimpy, but who knows if they’re plotting something? If you need firepower, I can be that.”

Everyone looked to Bismuth for a response, but after a moment of consideration, Bismuth looked to Lars. She said to the young man, “Space case, you’ve met these fools before. Your call.”

After glancing at Lapis, who looked far more bored than anything, he replied, “Unless they brought that awful aquamarine along, I think we’re fine. Actually, strike that. Aquamarine was really just an annoying pipsqueak. We’re fine either way.” To the ocean gem standing in the doorway, he said, “Feel free to ditch us, Lapis.”

“Okay. I’ll be at the boardwalk if you need me,” she said before she left.

After the departure of Lapis Lazuli, Bismuth sternly addressed the zircon duo. “Alright. Spell it out for us and don’t be high and mighty about it. Why are you here?”

Speaking up quickly, Blue Zircon said, “We need Rose Diamond — Pink Quartz — excuse me.” She paused and made a throat-clearing sound. “Ahem. We need your Steven or a representative of the Pink Court to validate a declaration of pardon for the Crystal Gems and their allies. Rumor made it back to Homeworld that some dissatisfied gems have caused trouble for you, and this is a gesture of goodwill that we hope will deter other bad actors in the future.”

Lars remarked, “Wow. That actually sounds… not bad.” To Bismuth, he asked, “This kind of thing doesn’t usually happen, right?”

Crossing her arms and remaining skeptical, Bismuth frowned. “No, it doesn’t. Zircons, you got any more to this declaration of yours?”

Uncomfortable under the sheer focus of the Crystal Gem, Blue Zircon said, “Well, it’s not just a declaration, I suppose. It’s also a retroactive annulment of all the laws and ordinances that were passed to punish rebel gems.”

Yellow Zircon held out to Bismuth a plain, grey cube that had the symbol of the diamond authority inscribed atop one of its faces. She said, “If you would just accept this missive on behalf of your Diamond and swear to deliver it, then we can be on our way.”

Bismuth flatly replied, “I don’t think so. You’re sticking around to help me, Pearl, and Garnet understand what you’re giving to us. Steven ain’t doing anything with that ‘declaration’ until the Crystal Gems know exactly what it says. After what happened last time, the boy is done signing agreements that nobody ever bothered to read.”

“What happened last time?” questioned a flabbergasted Lars. 

Rather than answer him directly, she instead dispensed a piece of sage advice. “Don’t buy Guacola Zero. It’s a pyramid scheme.”

“Yeesh, okay.”

Blue Zircon asked, “What’s a pyramid scheme?”

Lars said, “It’s a sketchy operation that screws over a lot of people. Kind of like that sham trial where we met each other.”

Yellow Zircon became incensed. “It was not a sham!”

“Sorry, my bad.” Lars rolled his eyes. He quipped, “I should put it in legal-ese for you. How does ‘gross miscarriage of justice’ sound?”

Her face twitched with simmering fury. Abruptly, the prosecutorial zircon exploded. “The trial was no sham or farce or pretense or charade or travesty. It was legitimate! Proper! Bona fide!” If she were a ruby, she would have been on fire. Through gritted teeth, she said, “We did our jobs. We did what we were made to do. We did _everything_ right, yet we’re treated like defective trash. Scrub cases and record-keeping and drudgery, cycle in and cycle out. We haven’t participated in a real trial since the Rose Quartz case! The other zircons avoid us as if it’s contagious.”

Blue Zircon winced. To the others, she explained resignedly, “I’ve had opportunities to speak to Blue Diamond about our casework. Nothing ever changes. Did you know that this glorified delivery errand is the most prestigious task assigned to us in years? Because it is.”

Yellow Zircon grumbled, “At least we aren’t shattered. It was a cracked theory. Maybe in a few more centuries, they’ll let us litigate traffic violations.”

Feeling sorry for the two attorneys whose presence reminded him intimately of the harrowing ordeal of his abduction was a bizarre experience. Nevertheless, Lars pitied them. Regretting some of his abrasive remarks and wanting to make amends, he said, “You know, Steven and the Diamonds more or less get along. They listen to him, and he definitely wouldn’t like the way you guys are being treated. Have you ever thought about having somebody else stand up for you? I think he’d do it for you — be an advocate.”

“An advocate?” Blue Zircon stifled laughter, but then her companion started snickering. Yellow Zircon was snickering, and this prompted Blue Zircon to chuckle alongside her. They both burst out into hysterics. “My stars, an advocate?! What a ridiculous idea!”

Yellow Zircon chortled, “Someone to speak on our behalf to the Diamonds? Hah! Oh, humans are entertaining. What kind of shallow-strata gem would ever think of such a thing?”

Staring incredulously, Bismuth pointed out, “You’re _zircons_ . Speaking on behalf of others is _your entire job._ ”

“Are you one of those Earth gems?” questioned Yellow Zircon paternalistically. “Well, I suppose it’s irrelevant. You’ve been on this planet for so long, your entire perspective has become distorted. To have another gem advocate for our worth to the Diamonds—” Suddenly, her facade of superiority cracked. She grew circumspect and dejected. “—It would reduce us even further. It would make us weak.”

Slowly shaking her head, Blue Zircon added, “Even if it weren’t shameful, we couldn’t possibly ask the new Pink Diamond to advocate for us. It would be so inappropriate.”

Lars and Bismuth met one another’s eyes, and a mutual understanding passed between them.

To the zircons, Lars said, “Steven wouldn’t see it that way. But it’s totally up to you whether or not you want help. And for the record, it doesn’t have to be Steven — you could ask anybody to step in. All you need is a comfortable person who doesn't have any baggage with the Diamonds. It's something to maybe think about.”

Bismuth said, “You two can leave that data cube with me. When the other Crystal Gems get back in town, I’ll make sure that word gets to you about it. In the meantime... you’re going to stay here, on Earth.”

Where Blue Zircon was merely confused, Yellow Zircon was appalled. “On Earth?! This horrible backwater?! What are we supposed to do here?”

Looking smug about herself, Bismuth answered, “You can do anything you want. That’s what we’re all about on this planet.”

Utterly lost, Blue Zircon raised a hand and said, “I don’t understand. Do you… do you have assignments for us?”

Yellow Zircon rounded on her companion. “You want to perform assignments for these gems after the way they’ve treated us?”

“What else are we supposed to do?”

“I don’t know! Get poofed and bubbled? I’ve heard that’s what these barbarians do to Homeworld gems.”

“That’s a spurious rumor and you know it.”

“Ugh, you are such a _defense zircon._ ”

Blue Zircon begged of Bismuth, “Please just tell us what to do so that she stops complaining.”

Bismuth said, “I ain’t telling you to do anything. I can _suggest_ that you explore Little Homeworld and talk to the gems who’ve been living here. They could have ideas for you. Or you might like to visit Beach City — it’s a tourist town, after all.” She shrugged with equanimity. “Go out and find yourselves. Do whatever you zircons feel like doing.”

* * *

Lars walked to the Off-Colors’ residence in Little Homeworld and joined them in a number of PvP tournaments as they explored the collection of games handed off earlier that day. The Rutile twins were the most frequent victors. He then helped introduce Padparadscha to a classic, turn-based RPG of which she quickly became enamored. 

It eventually came time for he and Ronaldo to head back to Beach City. After dropping Ronaldo off at the boardwalk, Lars parked his car on the street in front of Spacetries, which was closed. He checked his phone and saw that he had received a text from his parents. They were asking about whether or not he planned on coming home for dinner. He resolved to answer them as soon as he dealt with the issue in the backseat of his vehicle.

The two zircons were sitting in the rear of the car, seat belts buckled. Blue Zircon was toying with her headrest, intrigued by the way it was adjustable in height. Yellow Zircon was pulling out more and more of the seatbelt strap from the mechanism over her shoulder, pushing the limits of the object. 

Exasperated with both of them, Lars said, “Is there any chance you guys can explain why you’ve been following me since we left Bismuth’s place?”

Blue Zircon nervously equivocated, “I wouldn’t say we’ve been following you.”

“You were definitely following me through Little Homeworld. And everybody saw you watching us through the window at the Off-Colors’ place. And when I left, _you piled into my car._ ”

Yellow Zircon gave a careless shrug, intoning, “Alright, we’re following you.”

“Why?”

Ever obstinate, the former prosecutor replied, “Why not? We have no tasks assigned to us.”

“That’s not a reason! _Stars and galaxies_. Why are you here, sitting in my car of all places?”

Wearing a sheepish expression, Blue Zircon blurted out, “We don’t know where else to go. You don’t seem to hate us, and you’re the only familiar person in this entire facet — so yes, fine, we’re following you.”

Lars stared at her for several moments. She seemed entirely earnest. Even Yellow Zircon, as prickly as she was, carried something in her demeanor that spoke to the truth of her companion’s reasoning. These two gems were lost at sea and searching desperately for any stretch of shore that would allow them reprieve. Lars relented.

"Fine," he sighed. "You can stay with me."

He texted his parents that he would be bringing two guests along for dinner. Then, he turned the key in the ignition and started up the vehicle. 


	7. Lion and Lars [Lion]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars asks questions that don't have clear answers.

The night was warm and the grass was soft. Summer crickets blanketed the area with their songs. Lars locked his car out of habit. Then, he hiked up to the peak of the promontory, where the gradient was too steep for wheels but perfectly manageable on foot. 

The Brooding Hill, removed from civilization as it was, remained as ever a peaceful place, but at this time of year it was also a downright pleasant spot for contemplation. Beach City was beautiful on the shore below, nestled safely between twin bluffs. The untamed Brooding Hill was a stoic and wild guardian, but its twin, which housed the Crystal Temple and the Lighthouse, had it outmatched by orders of magnitude in terms of mystery. Whereas the cliffside from which Obsidian watched the sea concealed alien enigmas that predated Beach City itself, the Brooding Hill was exactly what it appeared to be — a secluded slope with a nice view. It was a location of face value, and it was perfect.

It was a clear, dark sky with excellent visibility and only a sliver of a crescent moon. The conditions were just right for astronomy. 

Lars took a seat on the ground and let his ankles dangle over the ledge. Craning his neck, he turned his eyes upward. There were so many twinkling stars. Which one was supposed to be Polaris? It had something to do with the dipper constellations. He managed to identify both of the distinct shapes, but he could not recall which one led to the North Star. He supposed that if he stayed and watched the sky all night, he might figure it out by looking for the point of light that remained in place as the others around it moved.

A breeze was picking up. It blew from the rear and carried small, pale leaves out over the cliff and towards Beach City. Wait, no. The leaves were not leaves — they were pink petals. Lars reached out and caught a whole flower that had a jewel-like center. Even at night, it seemed to glow. This was a familiar wonderment.

“Huh. I’ve seen these before.” He let it go, and it left to follow its brethren on the updraft. 

Something with heavy footsteps approached from behind. A warm breath ruffled Lars’ hair. Even before turning around, he knew exactly who had decided to join him. 

“Lion! Hi, buddy.”

The large, pink animal lowered himself to the ground beside Lars, allowing the human to better pat his head. Lars combed fingers through Lion’s mane, which was softer than the grass. His hand came away with a coating of green moss. Once exposed to the sky, the moss bloomed. Another pink flower floated away on the air. 

Lars sighed. He leaned against Lion and scratched behind an ear. “What on earth were you doing at Dead Man’s Mouth?”

Lion shook his head in a sharp, catty way. More bits of moss fell out of his mane and flowered. Some blossoms clung to his fur longer than others, but all were soon blown away. It was as much of an answer as anyone could reasonably expect.

“Heh, right. I don’t know why I bothered asking.”

Slow, steady breathing was the only response that came. Lion seemed perfectly content to sit atop the bluff in silence. Solitude was what Lars had been searching for when he came to the Brooding Hill, but this quiet companionship was nicer. He let his head rest against Lion’s shoulder. It was easier to look up at the sky with somebody else to lean on. 

He became distracted by something small and delicate tickling his face. Lars turned his attention back to Lion and noticed that there were a few stray petals still caught in his mane. Lars plucked them out delicately. They were carried off by the wind.

“You knew to come up here. I guess Steven’s mom must’ve shown you how that magic moss works at some point.”

At the sound of Lars’ voice, Lion briefly glanced his way. However, the horizon proved more interesting, and he turned away again.

“It’s funny how she trusted you with stuff that she never shared with anybody else. Her secret junkyards. Her sword. Bismuth. The Crystal Gems never knew about that stuff, but you did. They never even knew about you. You were one of her secrets. She sure was good at those.”

Lion remained as silent as ever.

“Sometimes it seems like a lot of crap could’ve been avoided if Steven’s mom just talked to people for a change. But I guess she talked to you? There are a lot of things nobody might ever have known, if it hadn’t been for you. You were the key to her past — all of her past, both good and bad.” He paused. “Huh. Was that on purpose, or was it accidental?”

Lion looked at him inquisitively, and this time the gaze lingered.

Lars slowly questioned, “Did she… did she want you to know all those things so that you could show Steven after she was gone? I mean… you followed the kid home from the desert. You watched out for him. You gave him answers when the gems wouldn’t or couldn’t. As hard as it was for Steven to find the truth, it would’ve been even harder if it wasn’t for you. Was… was it all his mom planning ahead? Seems sloppy if that’s the case, but I guess she wasn’t the greatest forward-thinker.”

Idle pawing at the grass was Lion’s only response.

“The other option is that she didn’t want Steven to know. She didn’t want him to know, and either she never realized that you could blow up her entire story or she realized it and thought you would keep quiet.”

There came not a peep in reply.

Lars amended himself. “Metaphorically quiet.” Tentatively, he said, “I think I lean toward the idea that she wanted her kid to have answers. Steven told me that her videotape was with you. If that thing was in the pink place with Bismuth, then she must have wanted him to have at least part of the truth. The Rose Quartz part. But I've talked with Pearl before, and it's not hard to imagine Steven's mom trying to bury more of her history. Maybe she told you to just give Steven his videotape and vanish.”

A shooting star passed overhead.

“Maybe it doesn’t matter. In the end, you decided that Steven deserved to know his mom for real. You gave him answers that you probably didn't even know you had. You were there for him.”

Lion nuzzled his shoulder.

“A lot of things would’ve gone differently without you, buddy.” He mulled aloud, “If you weren’t around, then Steven never would’ve gotten back after the alien abduction thing. He would’ve starved to death on Homeworld.” These were dark musings. “And me, I’d be even more confused about this pink and undead situation if I was the only one. Man, I’d be so freaked out, like, all the time. No food and water? No problem. Haven’t slept in a week? Barely feel it. Breathing? Who knows! It’s so weird. Yeesh.”

There came no indication that the big cat understood him, but Lars thought it near certain that Lion knew exactly what he was talking about.

Softly, he said, “That must’ve been crazy for you, being the first.”

Lion gave a roll of his head that might have been a nod or a shake, but more likely it was just a stretch of the neck and shoulders.

“Did she ever tell you anything about it? How this all works? Did she even have a clue?”

The once-prowler of the savannah stayed perfectly still.

“I get it. With her, it’s always hard to say.” Lars trailed off. Then, randomly, he gestured at the stars. “There’s a constellation called Leo the Lion! I have no idea how to find it, but I know it exists. Space doesn’t change much. The sky must look basically the same as it did when you were… my age, I guess?”

Lion made a sound that that may have been a snort or may have been a sneeze.

Suddenly, he felt the urge to stave off the silence. “Connie thinks you’re probably two hundred years old. Did you live in the desert for all that time, buddy?”

Lion blinked at him.

“If you did, why stay there all by yourself? I mean, I guess Steven’s mom kept a lot of her stuff there, so you were probably looking after it. Or maybe you just hung around because your friends and family used to live in the desert. But if I’m wrong and you didn’t stick around, then… where did you go? What kind of stuff did you do?”

A heavy, furry chin came to rest atop Lars’ knees. Lars rubbed gentle circles into the crown of Lion’s head.

“Do you ever want to go back?” 

Lion made a show of yawning.

“Is it easy for you to live in Beach City now? Does it feel like home for you here, or does the desert feel like home, or do you just… not have a home anymore?” A touch of fear crept into his voice. “Is that a thing that you can outlive?”

Lion closed his eyes.

“We’re the only things like each other in the entire universe. There’s a lot I want to ask you,” said Lars wistfully. Before he let the silence take him, he sighed, “If only you could talk.”

Then, he leaned into Lion’s soft mane and let himself relax. Before he knew it, he fell asleep. Lars dreamed of the desert.


End file.
